


Oh Lazarus (Why You So Afraid?)

by ghostea



Series: Delimpcol's Rare Pair Creation Challenge Fics [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Love, Lucifer is scared, M/M, Sam is Scared, private musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostea/pseuds/ghostea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Lucifer are alone with their thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Lazarus (Why You So Afraid?)

Sam woke up in cold-sweat from yet again another dream with the literal Satan telling him he would be the one to help him end the world. Dean was still asleep in the other bed and Sam was grateful for that. He didn’t want Dean mother-henning him again for it, nothing was going to change. He would never say yes. Never.

Nothing ever bad happened in the dreams, apart from the fact Lucifer was visiting him in his dreams every night and would never give him peace, always repeating this mantra of why he was right and they were wrong. Sam was sick of it.

Dean snored lightly and gently clenched and unclenched his hand around the hilt of the gun he kept under his pillow. Sam timed his breathing to Dean’s before he drifted in between sleeping and consciousness. Not wanting to hear the lulling words of the devil again so soon.

Lucifer sat quietly in an empty warehouse. Its ceilings were high and large windows filtered in moonlight. Lucifer thought he would be delighted at once again being able to fly in the wide open skies but once he took one look at all of that space he panicked and fled, not wanting to be boxed in but being under the infinite like that started a blazing panicking fear in him he did not understand.

Sam had managed to awaken again, leaving him mid-conversation. Well, ‘conversation’ was being generous, he would admit that their special talks were very one-sided but that was another thing Lucifer could no longer stand, silence. Even now a small radio gently played soft piano music to drive away the mind killing silence blanketing him.

Lucifer could understand Sam’s reluctance to speak to him, he had been painted a monster for centuries so it had been ingrained into the human mind. But Lucifer wished Sam wouldn’t look at him with so much fear and distrust. He remembered the first time he had went to Sam, it was humbling in all the wrong ways to Lucifer to know he needed this human to help him rid the world of his kind. But Sam, Sam was different somehow, the only hope Lucifer had was that one day, Sam would love him just as much as he loved Sam. One day.

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Sam stared at the devil and his thoughts went to his brother, had Dean ever been this scared? Probably, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Maybe it was the cold grey eyes that pinned him to his seat and stared into his soul, maybe that was what made him think of all the people who are dead because of him. All the people he couldn’t save whose blood now covered his hands.

But they were beautiful, even if they didn’t necessarily belong to the devil himself. Sam wondered who the poor man was, had been before Lucifer had possessed him, what had made the man say yes to the devil. It didn’t matter now, it was just another person’s blood to wash off his stained hands.

Sam listened as the devil preached and Sam wished that he didn’t relate to it. It made him feel guilty and sick, like he had betrayed Dean, Bobby, Ellen, everyone he had ever met. Lucifer’s words weren’t even honey sweet to tempt him, just cold, hard and completely and utterly true.

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Lucifer wondered how Sam had felt on learning he was destined to be his vessel to end the race of dirt he so desperately tried to save every day. What his mind thought and what he saw in Sam’s eyes was far different from what he wanted. He saw fear when he wanted acceptance, he saw hatred when he wanted love and he saw despair in everything Sam did. Lucifer hated that Sam tore himself apart for something that was destined, God had made them for one another and this, this hiding and fear was not fair.

Lucifer would show him wrong, show them all wrong, Sam would understand, would love him. Was it a test? One last punishment before the worlds fell apart one last time? Was it a plea from his father to love these creatures and stop his actions? But God had wanted the devil, his father had made him this way and for what? A game? A test? There were too many questions and no answers to be found.

The questions swarmed and burned his mind and so he turned them back to Sam. Sam’s soul was marked for him, they would be together. Jealousy would plague him whenever he saw the brothers bonds together when his own had ended in holy flames. He wanted to rip Sam away from the world and keep him safe and loved with him at his side, his beautiful, compassionate boy king. Sam would one day say yes to him and then they could be together forever.

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Sam tried to keep his breathing even and calm as he faced down the devil, the winter kissed air did nothing to help lessen the tightening in his lungs. The two demons that had been in the room were dead and their vessels lay dead at their feet. 

The adrenaline the demon blood filled him with was nothing like when he was Ruby, this time it was numb in his veins and when he looked into the eyes of Lucifer he felt nothing at shame at what he had done, what he had become. He should blame Lucifer, hate him, everything, all of this was all his fault. But then, he was just another person scapegoating the devil. He was the one who drank the blood, he was the one who had chosen every aspect of his life he could and look where it all lead him. 

What he didn’t understand was Lucifer’s pure hatred for all humans, sure, some were nothing but scum that deserved the deepest pits of Hell but some were good, innocent, trying to be better and get by in the world. All Lucifer had told him was that he was punished for not wanting to love humans more than he loved God and if Sam was honest, none of the angels did. At that point it may have just been Lucifer was the only one who spoke out or perhaps created too much of a fuss but Sam wasn’t there so he would never know or understand what happened but what he did know was that he sympathised with the celestial being before him. And he hated it. And he loved him.

He didn’t love him like he had loved Jess or how he loved Dean but he knew it was love. Lucifer offered him everything he ever wanted, acceptance, to fill that hole in his soul that was apparently a cookie cutter shape to match Lucifer’s shape. To be whole and full of light, to be accepted and loved. Who wouldn’t want that? Too bad it meant the end of the world if he accepted. If he lost.

He couldn’t concentrate on Dean’s words like he wanted too, couldn’t match his breathing to his brothers to calm himself from his rising panic. Dean, Dean must be scared, Sam was scared, he didn’t want to have any more of a hand in ending all human life on Earth any more than he already had, he didn’t want to be used and discarded like so many others had, he didn’t want the all-encompassing fear and darkness he had felt when Meg had rode his body around like a hand-me-down suit. The suffocating smell and taste of sulphur as the poison that was the demon filled his body, pulling him around like a puppet on a string. He couldn’t do that again. But he had too.

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Sam was standing in front of him, the pungent smell of demon blood reeked from him and curled Lucifer’s vessels nose in disgust. Something he would regret for all time was the poison Sam had to ingest to take in something he neither wanted nor needed. God had given him a gift in the form of Sam Winchester but it would have to be broken and twisted before Lucifer could hold it and cherish it like Sam should be. Even now his soul was bright, not as bright as the light of Heaven or the dark fires of Hell, not cold like a distant star or hot like the Earth’s sun but alive. Alive like any other creature on this Earth but showing all that they made. Sinners and saints all wrapped up in light and colour in the form of Sam’s soul. Lucifer had never seen something so beautiful besides Heaven and the new born Earth blooming with life. Guilt wrapped around his heart at how wondrous Sam could have been without the evil tainting its light. 

But aside from the disgust and guilt and yearning what Lucifer hated the most out of his constant mixed emotions that had him mired was fear. He shouldn’t fear joining with Sam, it would be one of the greatest moments of his very long existence. Lucifer hated that he couldn’t quite pin point the fear either, was it that Sam may win and end their destiny? Chucking him back in the cage his father had carved for him out of Hell’s nightmares. Was it that Sam may resist him for all time, maybe even wither and die inside him like Nick had as he burned through the vessel? Would he be the cause of the death of Sam Winchesters soul? He couldn’t be, he and Sam were destined. Two pieces of a puzzle, one wouldn’t wear out the other. They would last forever together, make something better of them both.

It was time, after all the eons spent in the cage as not even a shadow of a king but like a long forgotten god of demons, after all the waiting and planning and fantasising he was finally, finally going to be with Sam. Sam, the strong, beautiful human before him who tried to hide his earth shaking fear of being possessed, of saying yes. Lucifer wondered if they had met under different circumstances if anything would have been changed. He would change it if he could, have Sam live the life he wanted whilst he stood by his side forever. Maybe he could, then Michael would live and God wouldn’t have this twisted little game play out. The putrid human race could live on if he could keep Sam forever, love him forever with Sam loving him in return. Maybe.

“Yes”

_Finally._

**Author's Note:**

> Hmm... this is another one I'm going to edit (alongside Back In Town, I'm not abandoning it, I just need to finish editing it). I did write this one at like, 3am when I was bored and I was too lazy/busy to edit it before it had to be posted. Oh well. This was done for the rarepaircreationschallenge and this months prompt was 'songs', the song that inspired this fic was 'Blood On My Names' by 'The Brothers Bright'.


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